I still can’t do any of my school work because I keep on putting together thousands of different plans for my major.
I’ve come to the conclusion that I am 95% sure I’m not going to re-apply to journalism.
My grades are going to slip this semester; I don’t think I’ll do well in my journalism class as it is, so I really have nothing more to try to impress them with.
I wore a bracelet on my wrist for about six months now that spelled out the words “j-o-u-r-n-e-y” that symbolized “my journey to journalism.” Each time a letter fell off of the bracelet I would say that’s one step closer to ending the journey (I use symbolism like this a lot in my life… don’t think I’m completely weird, it’s just something you get from growing up with a mother like mine). Last week, every the last two letters of the bracelet finally fell off. I don’t know if that means I’ve come to an end of what’s been happening for the past years and I have to start over with a positive attitude (like I had discussed in a previous post) or that maybe the end of the journey really is here (just in a completely different way than I had expected). I’d love to be able to think positively at this point that the former is the reason, but I am pessimistic by nature and therefore I think the latter is right.
It would be a totally different situation if my class credits and schedule for graduation worked out if I applied to journalism again. THEN, I’d think that this is a sign to just keep on trying. But nothing works out, no matter how many class combinations I put together. I’d have to take two, or even three more semesters to graduate. I would even maybe have to take five upper-division reporting classes during Spring semester of 2011, and on top of that I’d probably have a job to pay for rent. It just doesn’t seem realistic.
And also, if I applied again, I would have absolutely no idea what four classes to sign up for next Fall 2009 semester. I can’t just keep trying to weasel my way through semesters by taking GE’s or classes that don’t count. So, for example, if I signed up for four IR classes, but then got admitted to journalism, that would work fine because I could declare IR as my minor. But, if I signed up for four IR classes and was rejected again, then I am in a deep, deep, deep problem. I’d be a junior still taking four classes that had nothing to do with my degree or I’d be forced to declare IR as my major. I’ve decided that although IR interests me somewhat, it does not interest me enough to be my major. It’s never what I wanted to do in the first place and I feel like I won’t even know where to go or what to do with an IR degree once I graduate. The IR class I took last semester was amazing, but I really believe that’s only because the professor was amazing. If a mono-tone, boring (but still intelligent professor) taught the class, I think I would have absolutely hated it. But my professor was so great and taught it so well that it made me not only learn the information but love the class. I know an argument could be made that maybe all the other IR classes I would take would have great professors (because it is USC, or whatever) but I can’t be assured of that. I don’t want to take the chance or throwing myself into an unknown world which I may grow to hate. I already feel like I live in a blackhole in my life now, so why would I want to suck myself into it even deeper? Some form of communication, journalism, media, whatever you want to call it, I’ve been interested in since I was 9. I know if I declare this as my major I won’t have to worry about if I’ll enjoy it or not.
But, if I signed up for four comm classes next semester, and applied to journalism again and was accepted, I guess I’d have to double major in communication/journalism. But once again, I’d have no desire to do that because I don’t care to take the core comm classes (which I would be taking next semester). I’d want to take them only if I was majoring in comm. If I was majoring in journalism comm should be the last double major or minor I should pick because journalists need to be educated in more than just one area. Journalists need to make connections from point to point, development to story, etc. Having a minor/major in something like IR, economics, psychology, sociology, etc could help do that, but I don’t really think having a double in comm. would.
And, if I had to do this comm/journalism major, I wouldn’t graduate for years. 2012 or 2013. For anyone who has a billion dollars or “loves” college, that would be great. But A) money is an issue and B) I hate college in every aspect except major course work and want to move on with my life as soon as possible. Living up to the standard of a “college life” I think is just stupid. I believe I’m only here for an education and to get some experience for my future career.
Also, I refuse to sign up for three GE’s next semester because I HAVE NO DESIRE TO TAKE THE GE’s. That’s why I am taking them during the summer to get them over with because I could care less what class or subject is available to take. I do not want to take three GE’s when I could be taking three classes that are of actual interest to me during the Fall semester when more courses are offered.
So, I either dig myself into a blackhole further by applying to journalism again and taking IR classes next semester with the possibility of fatefully becoming an IR major, something I don’t want.
Or, waste thousands of more dollars and sign up for comm core courses and then double it with journalism if I’m accepted.
And I don’t want to major in comm and minor in IR because then I would not get to take as many comm/journalism classes as I would if I minored in News Media & Society.
Therefore, I’ve come to the conclusion that a Communication major and News Meda & Society minor may be the best idea for me for the following reasons:
1. I will graduate on time
2. I will be less stressed
3. I will feel like I can live up to the standards (something that’s very hard for me to do in the first place)
4. I will have a wide range of classes to pick from each semester because all com classes are offered each semester.
5. I would still be able to take two (or maybe three) IR courses that I wanted to take: Foreign policy analysis with Professor Lamy (same prof I had that taught my last IR class) and Espionage and Intelligence — both of these courses don’t even count towards an IR minor anyways, so minoring in IR also seems kinda pointless because I would be able to take fopo analysis that would count towards a minor, and not the intelligence class.
6. I would have time for a job
7. I would have a free summer (summer of 2010) to internship HOPEFULLY on the east coast
8. I wouldn’t have to stay in the apartment I’m living in for one more year even though I’d just be staying at USC for one more semester (because I can’t sub-lease it, and it’s a year long lease)
9. I’d be able to get back to the east coast faster for graduate school (I can specialize what I want to do then)
10. I’d save thousands upon thousands of dollars.
11. I’d hopefully be happy.
It sounds like the most reasonable plan for me considering where I am in my life right now.
And anyways, it’s not like I’ve always wanted to study print journalism.
When I was in elementary school, I wanted to be a radio broadcaster or MTV VJ.
When I was in middle school, I wanted to be either a broadcast journalism anchorwoman (primarily) or a print journalist.
When I was in high school, I still wanted to be an anchorwoman.
When I was a freshman in college, I decided I didn’t want to do broadcast and thought about PR or advertising.
Then I switched to study nature/biological magazine journalism.
THEN I realized that my thoughts are all over the place and I should just study all forms of communication/media.
THEN I switched back over to a broad journalism major (at GWU) that emphasized both broadcast and print so I could figure out what I wanted to do before graduate school.
Then I came to USC and applied to print because I thought it was broader than broadcast and I didn’t want to specialize in broadcast because I might end up not performing as well as an anchorwoman as I thought I would (considering my high school teachers laughed out loud when I told them I was applying as a broadcast journalism major and asking, “WHY?” in reference to my daily broadcast announcements at the high school).
And now I’m here with my mind wandering in 214890 different directions.
My indecisive nature of what exactly I’ve wanted to do in the world of communications in the past 10 years shows that many, just maybe even journalism is too specialized for me right now. Communication is broad; I can feel around some more to figure it all out. Who knows maybe I’ll end up doing PR, advertising, or even jump back to wanting to be a radio personality?
Communication is what I should do — but what exactly should I do?
I guess that’ll just have to wait till graduate school.
Ok now.. really.. let’s just hope I can keep my grades up. If I don’t then WOW did I suck myself even farther into this blackhole and will be lost in it FOREVERRRR.
